Once upon a time, I wanted to be a Spice Girl. That's right, you heard me correctly. I wanted to have a British accent, do Kung Fu-style gymnastics, and shout "Girl Power" at strangers for no good reason. I was a 12 year old Feminist in the making.
Then, as things in the 90s often did, the spicy phenomenon quickly faded, and with it went my temporary career as a Feminist. Today, the only "ist" that threatens to define me is that pesky little "Fundamentalist" label that I just can't seem to shake. Sometimes I'm an optimist, sometimes a pessimist. I hope to be a novelist, but I will never be a soloist. I was once an atheist, never a realist, but occasionally I am a humorist. And certainly, I would make a terrible Feminist.
Here's why.
1. I am woman, but I'd rather not roar. Nine times out of ten when I tell someone that I'm a stay at home mom with three kids under the age of four, I hear this: "You have your hands full!" If my husband is present he hears this: "I hope you know how hard she works!" And I do, have my hands full. And I do, work hard. But the reason I don't go around roaring and beating my chest about it, is because I'm not the only one around here who works hard. Here comes the kicker: I could not do my husband's job. I couldn't be a better husband, father, provider, and all-around stud that this man is. I don't go around singing, "I can do anything you can do better," because I can't. That doesn't make me less of a woman, it makes me less of a man, and I'm fine with that.
2. Our differences go beyond what's in our underoos. I don't know if men are from Mars or if woman are from Venus, but different creatures we definitely are. We were designed very specifically, and I love that. I don't want to fight against the role God designed me to play, because embracing it is so much sweeter. I love being a mother, and a homemaker, and a wife who submits to her husband. I don't want to be the head of my house, I want to be the little wife who gets to stay nestled behind my big, strong husband's back. Why? Because that's how God designed me to be. He designed my husband to be a man, with a need to provide, and he designed me to be a woman, with a need to nurture. That doesn't mean I'm a doormat and he's a brute, it means we're a team.
3. I like to look pretty. While browsing through my twitter feed the other day I came across this tweet:
Ha! Now, if you aren't familiar with Nicole let me first recommend that you check her out at Modern Reject. She's great. But, back to her tweet, this made me laugh, then it made me think. And I think it may very well have been what lit the fire under the butt of the hamster that spins the wheel in my head, and led me to this post. I couldn't be a Feminist, because I like to look pretty. When I get that text at the end of the day that says, "On my way home," I get excited. And I often go to the bathroom and put on some make-up and spray on some perfume. Not because my husband won't like me as much without it, but because I want to be his glory. I want to look good for him.
4. I just don't have the energy. Seriously, I just don't need anymore rights that I'm responsible for exercising. I'm glad that I get to vote, if I didn't that would certainly be irksome. But the right to do and say anything I want, anywhere I want to, just because I'm a woman, is not something I need. I can deal with living in a society that sometimes treats me unfairly, because the flip side of that is that I live in a society that allows me to have the great life that I have. I got to earn a college degree that I'll never use, I got to choose my own husband, and now I get to raise my children to love Jesus. That's pretty swell.
5. The prospect of a female president scares me. I won't go so far as to say I would never vote for a female president. I've said that in the past, but I need to leave my options open. If my Gramma ran, I think I'd probably throw my towel in with her. However, a woman in the oval office is not something I dream of. It's not something I am eager to see before I die. And it's not something I'm going to condition my daughter to someday become. Going back to the whole men and women are different thing, I absolutely see this kind of position as something men are better equipped for. Simply because we're bent a little differently. We think differently. We make decisions differently. We lead differently. And you might think, "Good, that's what we need, something different," and if that's the case then by all means vote for Hillary in 2016, but I think I'll hold off on that endorsement.
6. I don't look good in a bandanna. I've tried so hard to pull this off without looking like I've just been released from prison, but it just doesn't work. My face is too round and the back of my head is too flat. It's just not a good look for me. Feminist deal breaker.
7. I was not offended when John Piper said that Christianity had a masculine feel. Not even a little bit. Honestly, I think this is one of the sillier things that people get upset about. There's a lot of great femininity in the Bible. Great women. Great mothers. Great leaders. But at the end of the day, Piper is right. God is Father. Jesus is Son. And yes the church is Bride, and what a beautiful picture that is, but only when coupled with a faithful husband: Christ. That doesn't offend me. Without masculinity, femininity would pretty much be irrelevant. So, there you go.
8. I don't believe a woman has the right to abort her child under any circumstances. I don't believe in vilifying women who have abortions, I understand why they make those decisions and can sympathize with the decision making process that they go through. I get it. But I do not condone it. Pierce what you want. Tattoo what you want. Nurse when, where, and for however long you want to. I draw the line at taking lives.
9. I'd rather bake something for my husband than read The Feminine Mystique. And, just so you know, I hate to bake.
10. I think the Bible esteems women, even when it calls us weak. I don't know that we can reconcile Feminism with Scripture. Part of the beauty of God's plan in our lives is finding the role that we're meant to play and embracing it. For me that means embracing life as a housewife in East Texas, even though I dreamed of being a big shot in New York City. Maybe the reason you're not going places and moving up in the world isn't because this is a "man's world", but because that's just not where God wants you.
We tend to toss out Scripture when it doesn't line up with what is already hard-wired into us, but that's not a very productive way of looking at it. Instead, read it seeking Truth, then apply it. Sometimes that means you have to give a little. Sometimes it means you'll have to change. And sometimes that change will hurt. But look at it this way, we know that all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. And that's a promise worth embracing.
*Update* The response to this post has been huge. A lot of positive, but a lot of negative as well. If you're amongst the negative, a wrote a follow up post for you. Check it out here.
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so you're not a feminist. but it's not because you appreciate your husband and beauty, because we do that, too.
ReplyDeletemany of us stay home with our kids, and we love the Bible just like you. my faith fully reconciles with my (and my husband's!) feminism.
@suzannah {so much shouting, so much laughter}
ReplyDeleteYou're right, those are not the reasons I'm not a feminist. A lot of this was written tongue in cheek. But a lot is serious, and a response to a very specific group of Christian women who are anti-submission and who don't agree with gender roles as outlined by Scripture. I'm not trying to be offensive, that's never my intention, this was just my way of stating exactly what I believe and what I do not as it pertains to this new wave of Christian Feminism. Ultimately, what you do in your home is not for me to judge, that's between you and God and it sounds like you've got a solid plan that's working for you. I think that's great. My goal here is always to challenge us to look at what we believe, why we believe it, and determine how it lines up with Scripture. Thanks for stopping by and commenting!
You are so lame.
ReplyDelete