5 Steps to castrating your husband

Settle down, Ladies, this post will not be an invitation to the Lorena Bobbit Club. Instead, it will be a challenge. Put down your sharps objects, and hear me out. 

I'm not sure when it happened, but at some point over the last 50 years our society has experienced a shift in gender roles. There have been a lot of "greats" in American History: The Great Depression, The Great War, The Great Gatsby. Today we'll be looking at another great: The Great Castration. 

Once upon a time the idea of men being the head of the house was not that outrageous a concept. Wives respected their husbands. They honored them. They doted on them. And without shame, they spent a little extra time in the bathroom in order to look good for their man. Undeniably this still happens today, but I would venture to say that it is not the norm. 

There is no greater evidence of this than your TV guide. Seriously, I love shows like Modern Family, Everybody Loves Raymond, King of Queens, and (I will admit) Family Guy. Especially the first and last, they crack me up. But when you step back and look, one thing all of these have in common is that they perpetuate the idea of husbands being nothing more than an extra kid. Aside from earning a paycheck, watching sports, and pro-creating, they really aren't good for much. The wives, on the other hand, are super-women. Not only can they earn a paycheck that is equally substantial, but they do everything else on top of that. 

The greatest episodes of these shows come out of the instances when the husband is asked to stretch himself a little and take on something the wife would normally do herself. It could be as simple as making dinner, grocery shopping, or even changing a poopy diaper. By the end of the episode someone is covered in poop, dinner is on the ceiling, and the world is on the brink of nuclear war. Luckily, Mom swoops in and saves the day. We laugh, we nod, and we pat our pour little husbands on the head as if to say, "I know better than to ask you to do that."

Ladies, I will not deny that there is some truth to these scenarios. There are certainly things that women are more gifted for than men. No doubt. There's nothing wrong with laughing with your husband at these things. It's our differences that make marriage fun, and keep things . . . spicy. 

What I want to address today are the times we carry it too far. When we put on our Super Woman cape, assume our husband is incompetent, and begin the process of emasculating our men. I'm going to present 5 steps to castrating your husband, for your humble consideration. 

1. Call your Daddy.

I don't care if your Daddy is McGyver, when something breaks call your husband. It's not about stroking his ego, it's about letting him know that he is the man in your life. He's the one you're going to turn to when something isn't right, and who you trust to remedy it. If he's a hopeless handy man, let him be the one to call in reinforcements. Or, let him figure it out. He needs to know that in your eyes he is competent. That won't be the case if you run crying to Pops every time something breaks. And one last thing, when the Hubs is in the middle of a fix-it job, don't lean over his shoulder and suggest that he needs help. Just imagine the same scenario in reverse. You're in the kitchen making dinner, Husband does a taste tests and calls his mother to come administer aid. Yeah, that's not going to go over well.

2. Make a scene. 

Even worse than belittling your husband in the privacy of your home, is doing it in public. If you make a habit of challenging him on something he's said, answering on his behalf, or criticizing something he has done, in front of others, you may as well put a bow on his head and start calling him Baby Doll, because that's about as manly as he's going to feel. Just stop.

3. Ignore his advice.

What I see a lot of women do is ask their husbands for their advice and then ignore it. As if by asking what they think, you've somehow given them what they need, a little involvement in decision making. So you're good, they've put in their two cents and you're no worse off because you (of course) already knew what to do so you just go with that. Except, that's really not accomplishing anything for your man. He's not an idiot. If you want to argue that he is I'll concede, but you are then the fool that married an idiot, so there. Don't patronize the man. Ask for his advice, not just to say that you did, but because you need it. In child raising, finances, and any major decisions. If he doesn't have an interest, I would ask if that might be because his interest has been squashed in the past. If you don't think he knows what he's talking about, I would challenge you to put that to the test. Trust him, Friend. Because you know what, God is going to honor that. Seriously, God appointed that man as the head of your family, and so I feel pretty confident in then saying that He will lead your husband. You then have to let your husband lead you. If you are a woman who is trying to lead your family apart from your husband then I'm sorry, but you are working against yourself. And if you're doing that only because your husband truly has no desire to lead, I just want to encourage you to begin to pray specifically for God to work in that man's heart. Don't give up and start taking everything on yourself, continue to put responsibility on him, and just pray. 

4. Criticize his job.

I'm not a man, but I think one difference between us and them is the way we measure ourselves. In the same way that women worry about being unattractive, men worry about being inadequate. Don't take that to mean that I think women are vain, I do not, but we are hard on ourselves in that area. That's the area where the world sets the bar for us, for men it's less about pounds and more about dollar signs. Men are natural providers, and as a result a lot of their self worth is contingent upon how well they feel they are measuring up as the provider. So when money is tight and your hair and shopping allowance gets trimmed down, suck it up. Love him and support him, even when things are tight. He needs that from you, the same way you need him to tell you how beautiful you are even when you're nine months pregnant, swollen from forehead to heel, and all around unpleasant. Stand by your man and do all that you can to let him now how proud and appreciative you are of him. 

5. Talk to him like you do your children. 

It's no coincidence that Paul tells husbands to love their wives, but turns around in the next breath and tell wives to respect their husbands. There is much to glean from his word choice here. Men need to know that their wives respect them. Embrace the fact that your husband is different than you, and rather than loving him the way you want to be loved, figure out how he needs to be loved. Invest some time in that. Don't boss him around like he's child #4. Don't nag him about his clothes and remind him to do menial things like brush his teeth or pick his underwear off the floor. Seriously, pick up the underwear and be thankful that yours is the only floor that he leaves them on. You are his partner, not his boss, and not his mother. Respect your man. Treat him like he is the king of the world, because Lady, in your eyes, he should be. And if you don't see him as such, you need to get on your face and pray that God will soften your heart toward your husband. Pray that you will learn to trust him, to respect him, to be excited by him, and to desire intimacy with him on every level. And yes, that includes sex. For goodness sake, let the man get lucky every now and then (preferably on a regular basis) it's important whether you think so or not. 

Ladies, he has the whole world to bring him down. Every day he faces rebuke, judgement, and critical people. He does not need that from his wife. He needs you to be a soft place to land. Where he can come with guard let down and find tenderness. Build him up. Love him. And stop being such a nag. 

An excellent wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.
The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.
               (Proverbs 31:10-12 ESV)

This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 14, 2012 and is filed under ,,. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response.

13 Responses to “5 Steps to castrating your husband”

  1. Nikki,
    This is so great! Again, I wish I had written it. This is so funny, witty, honest and full of wisdom.

    I really love #4 too. So many women fail to realize how much a man's identity is tied into his work. I had thought of writing about this myself. Maybe now I will since you inspired me.

    I realized too that I hadn't subscribed to your blog. :( But I fixed that!

  2. @Nicole Cottrell

    Thanks for the encouraging words, Nicole! My response to most of your posts is, "I wish I had written that," so it's nice to have it reversed on occasion :)

    Thanks for subscribing!

  3. I started reading this post out loud to my husband. And by the end I was so choked up I had to stop reading. Thank you for writing such a convicting post. I needed to read this today.

  4. As a men's ministry director, I want to shout this from the rooftops. I can tell you that every one of these has been poured out to me by another man. However, most women will be more open to hearing it from your lips than mine. Thank you for speaking truth. With regard to #2, read Proverbs 12:4.

  5. This is one of the most brilliant blog posts I have ever read. Clear, concise, direct and honest. This is the kind of writing that inspires me to do better.

  6. @Jason

    Well that is quite a compliment, thank you!

  7. @ModernEzra

    Thank you for the encouraging words, it's nice to have these thoughts confirmed by men.

    PS If that verse isn't inspiration to be a good wife I don't know what is. Heaven forbid my husband ever regard me as rottenness in his bones!

  8. @Malisa Price

    Malisa, I am so thankful that the Spirit used me to communicate to you in that way, I love it when He does that! I promise I don't have these things down pat, I struggle just as any other wife would. But, struggling is good, that means we're changing! :-)

  9. @Ren

    Thank you, Ren, it's always an encouragement to hear from you! :-)

  10. This is a great post! One of my favorites! Thank you for writing this!

  11. I was just sent over from Melissa Price to your most recent post when this one caught my eye on your sidebar. This is beautifully written and a wonderful message that I needed to hear today. I'm looking forward to reading more from you! Thank you for letting God speak such wonderful words through you.

  12. I am not going to lie I watched family guy a few months back and had a giggle. Nikki your not the only one to laugh. I do agree that the dude makes himself look extra dumb, in all fairness I would never tar men with the same brush. However I have seen SOME PLAIN DUMB husbands as in they cannot change a diaper, forget to pick up their kids. Honestly how incompetent can you get blokes if you want your wife to trust you please stop being dumb. Honestly if you have children they can see you, you will end up disappointing them and they just won't trust you.

    On the other hand I have seen wives be down right RUDE to their husbands for no reason. What's that about its not necessary and men so get offended; I have been told this in confidence. I do agree with not criticizing your husbands job, please don't do that. If someone said my job was dumb or implied that I would be quite annoyed. I think as both men and women now work women largely do understand the value of money. I do believe that respect works both ways, I would never be married to a man that 1. wasn't competent to some degree 2. didn't respect me 3. wasn't in love with God 4. didn't support my dreams.

    To sum up men have had a bad rap and I am personally glad to have amazing relationships with men. It makes it very hard to believe the lies of the media.